People won’t understand things they’ve never experienced or seen. A lot of our queer awareness and understanding of deeper subjects than the average person's relationship with the world, comes from the reality that we, ourselves, have personally experienced things which transport us to places in our mind, or in relation to society, so that we automatically navigate towards to attempt understanding OUR own experiences.
For instance, I developed a very divine and profound understanding of freedom from gender and sexuality BECAUSE I myself didn’t feel that my needs were acknowledged by society’s status quo regarding identification and encompassing connotations. I never felt comfortable about how I was addressed.
So when my needs were not met, I searched for ideas that did meet my needs. When you search as far and wide as you can reach and nobody outside of you can give you what feels good, or feels true...you start relying only upon yourself to validate what feels right. If you then search deeper to make sense of your feelings, you find new answers that fit with your queries, these queries of yours may only have answers that come from YOU because you’re the one who has the question... and the subject is entirely unique to you.
For every question you have, there is an answer only you can find. Others' answers will never suffice, never get to the real one which covers your question. When it comes to mathematics and science, we just simply trust others who have researched more thanks, professionals who’ve investigated... but we still don't know ourselves if in truth, the answers we are given are trustworthy... we just assume the established results are what we should put our faith into.
However, when we approach philosophical or personal principles for life where there are no established answers, we become the investigators... and we study our subjects, ie ourselves , and maybe others who relate to the fundamentals of our query, for instance in the case of this article... Others with gender and sexuality fluidity or non identifying labels being their prerogative. Through our exploration, we gain understanding and find our own answers.
For me, it was always important to be address for my mind and what I am choosing to express of myself, not for my genitalia or something I didn’t have control over at all and was born with. I used my resources as I still do, and since I happened to have a strong relationship with the spirit world more than the physical world, as opposed to conducting scientific experiments, as others might to discover why hormonal or biological differences create varied personality traits and identity preferences in people of the same genders, I would refer to my connection with spirit and ask why I feel different, and why others feel different.
The answers I received felt so profound that they really filled in some gaps. They stayed in me and integrated. They created SOLID confidence in my identify and who I am which meant I never felt confused or hurt by the provoking or criticism, judgement or attack from others who previously, even shockingly in spiritual circles... I would receive such atrocious and disturbing accounts of what I consider violent and abusive interrogation and aggression from regarding how I dress to how I choose to present myself.
What I had enquired about with spirit in connection to my own existence was, what is the reason souls may incarnate into bodies of gender or sex that they do not feel suits their mindset or feeling of personality? The visions I received showed me that as we move into higher awareness in collective union as the civilization of humanity, there are some souls who took this opportunity to pioneer the opening of minds outside of boxes which categorize the human identity of each individual based so dominantly upon the physical genetics. This offers greater importance and power to the spirit of a person to choose how to reprogram genetics. If people identify with the body less and detach from the value of anatomy being totally fixed, they are able to then slowly change and progress their adaptation to cellular evolution via mental intention and choice.
If I simplify this, people can begin to decide who they are, placing more value on the mind and thoughts, rather than feeling trapped into being something based on what they THINK they are given and cannot change or fix. Things like race, inherited illness, expected behaviours based on blood lineage and anything else linked to the physical fixation or obligation will be set free. Human evolution requires less fixation on the idea that there is inclination to limits based on what is in front of one's current perception... to relieve stuck feelings and feeling of being trapped, we must first accept that we are more than just what our body looks like.
I was shown that there are many reasons souls choose to incarnate in bodies of different types and may not resonate with the agendas that the outside world associates with their body. We have a body to experience what we choose, but before we have a chance to explore it, everybody else tells us what the body we have means for our life purpose. From a young age, we begin receiving complements on the way our hair grows and our facial features, families instil a sense of pride based on genetic identification with their own ancestry and biological inheritance. We mostly receive feedback, good or bad... based on how we physical my have manifested. We form a sense of identity on this and if we don’t resonate with the body much in a new incarnation of this sort or have our own agenda for choosing this body which reached far beyond the understanding or those around us, it can be an uncomfortable experience growing up and feeling unseen. We can feel unseen if there is a lot going on in our minds and emotions which people don’t even SEE, but keep acknowledging us for our hair, “your hair is so pretty" I used to hear constantly growing up and in school.... but did anybody ever comment on who I actually was inside? They didn’t even know. Even my own biological family... didn’t know anything about who I am. I was just the girl with the pretty curly hair and at school, I was the olive skinned girl with the curly hair.. because the skin made a difference in a multi ethnic school crowd. This is pretty much what I remember of my identity.
Yes, there was more than this, I was recognized as intelligent and artistic by some. But... going deeper into things that were confusing, gender association and sexuality... I had no reference of safety with anyone I knew to even open the topic, and I had no idea where to begin even considering how I felt. I just knew I didn’t relate to anything my peers were expressing of their own experiences.
Fast forward to 2019, after 16 years of spiritual journeying... I’m STILL finding out who I am, one thing I know though is... I get to decide this, and I am not limited to what the world says I am and never can it tell me who I am or that who I am, is based solely on my physical image. I’d still be enraged if anybody tried to tell me how I should dress or what I should behave like or how to do my f*cking hair! And followed it with “because you’re this or that... “ regarding gender.. there are so many layers of wrong in that whole mess. If you’re reading this, you’ve likely experienced it many times yourself and need no detail. It seems to me as unnecessary to address by repeating the nonsense. Rather, I prefer to focus on writing and speaking about the truth... not all the BS and illusion people have created to keep them safe from opening up to something new. I prefer to focus on encouraging comfort with new perspectives. One of the main reasons I was shown with regards to my own personal journey of being born in female form when I mostly felt as though I related to the male archetype... not completely there either but mostly up until recent times... was because of karmic reflection. I’ve gained MUCH empathy for females, felt the worst of what they may experience from males at their worst. Feeling as though I’ve been raped in all ways, from mental to physically violated by males. Not wanting their attention and feeling used or abused anyway without permission for any interaction at all. Feeling empowered from years of overcoming events and healing them... then seeing perhaps where males can do better and females, can accept power they’ve allowed to be taken away but can now return to their own selves... instead of staying in fear when evolution is being offered.
I personally felt as though it was much harder to experience abuse from males towards my body and my soul in this body... when I felt as though I was more closely relating to the male archetype myself. I could go in forever and write 3 separate articles about my experiences and what brought me to where I am regarding female and male, gender realisation as only a base line for self knowing and not the limit or threshold for self exploration... the basic foundation and not the whole self... and expression which can be driven by many complex layers and not the finale of a soul’s identification with this world and how any soul wants to establish their self.
However, the key I wanted to emphasise was this, it’s simple; why we don’t always identify with our bodies, because we are infinitely more than just our bodies. Our bodies are magnificent and glorious for what we can do with them.. and they so for us, and yet we are not limited to identity solely based on the body, the body is a vehicle... it does not establish who you are or begin to display nearly anything of the personality. For me, the body is an expression and we should know that it is ALOT more flexible and adaptable than most of us believe. The vehicle does not describe much of the driver as there are infinite reasons why an individual might be driving a specific car, someone could be driving their grandmother’s car for convenience or another purpose perhaps (laughs), and this car is not a reflection of who they are for visible reasons... our bodies are actually the same.. there are endless reasons that we are steering varying vehicles and it’s our life’s work to discover those reasons we have chosen this body we have... but it is certainly nobody else’s responsibility to decide why we have the body we have or what we should do with it, nobody else has the ability or sense. Only we know our reasons for driving the car we drive, passengers on the street can only judge but I’m not sure how much benefit it gives them in their own lives, only disillusionment.
When it comes to sexuality then, it becomes less about just the body and more about the spiritual experience again... as exploration with and of our bodies is a spiritual experience. When I asked about sexuality and procreation in relationship and how homosexuality and alternative preferences comes into the exploration of sexuality outside of its supposed originally intended purpose... I was shown that sexual energy can be used for the birth and creation of infinite things in the universe... procreation of offspring is just one way to create with sexual energy. There are infinite experiences of spirit we can gain from as souls using our senses and feelings, touch, taste, smell, visual, hearing and sentience. How much does the scent of another human you’re in bed with and attracted to do for you? Oh yes! How much feeling is inspired by the sound of their voice moaning with pleasure in your eyes? Oh my god! Looking at their face up close, feeling their skin with your hands... wow!
We don’t use sex to create babies, that’s just a beautiful by product, we use it to CONNECT – and if we’re strong enough... to CONNECT DEEPLY, if we’re wise enough... TO CONNECT TO THE UNIVERSE and if we're willing enough, to CONNECT to OURSELVES and get to know ourselves deeper, fully... in love with ourselves can we be... if we fully grasp the concept of gender, sexuality, physicality and spirit and beautiful and infinite, boundless twin experiences which go hand in hand with union.
When we are understanding and in relationship with sex and our bodies in comprehension of its worth from our full view perspective inclusive of spirit and not in denial of it... labels, identity based upon, limitations or exclusive boxes and descriptions of sexuality and gender become quite irrelevant for speculation. We are already learning so much and I hope we continue to explore, with more love and less scrutiny and judgment around who we are and how we explore our senses, pleasure, minds, feelings and desires as human beings.
Tonya is part of the healer and facilitation teams at 2019's Queer Spirit Festival.
Tonya's YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/DivnityinLove